Bethany came into the world on 3/13/13 at 2:07am. Before we got pregnant, I never in my life would have imagined that I would attempt to have a baby naturally, but somewhere halfway through the pregnancy, Beland and I decided we would like to abstain from medical intervention unless the labor wasn’t progressing or it was medically necessary or advised for us to do so. So there I was, 8 hours of contractions at home, and 22 hours at the hospital and my labor stopped progressing. I was at 6cm for about 2 terrible hours, and Beland and I decided we needed to get the epidural. Just about 30 minutes after the epidural was administered, I started feeling pain and the nurse checked me and said it was time to call the doctor. 5 pushes or so and she was out!
Week One and Two: Lessons learned…well, learn-ING
It has been a little over two weeks since Bethany was born, but it seems like an eternity. Nursing has proved to be a trial full of pain, disappointments, confusion, and many tears. Coupled with Bethany’s active nightlife, I often feel at my wits end.
God has been teaching me so much about His love for His children through these early stages of motherhood. I see so much my child’s dependence on me to provide her sustenance. I am reminded of the hymn “I Need Thee every hour” because literally, every hour, there is something that Bethany needs – she needs to be fed, changed, kept awake, put to bed, woken up, etc. And I was reminded during our evening prayers one night that she often causes me so much pain and grief during feeding, but I likewise so often cause God grief in my own ways. But a parent’s love is unrelenting, and I am so moved by that spiritual truth…and I’m sure I will continue to learn that lesson as the years go by.
There are so many things that I have to be thankful for and have tried to verbalize them to Bethany when I can.
1. My husband – I have never felt more in love with Beland as I have in the past few days. From the contractions during labor, to the fussy sleepless nights, changing diapers, managing my emotions – he has been there in every possible way. I know that all of that, on top of his schoolwork and work, has not been easy. I’m so thankful for his example to me of being a servant to our family.
2. My parents – I feel like out of everybody, my parents have born the brunt of my baby blues. They have been bringing food almost every day, but because I’m so easily stressed and trying to get rest whenever I can, they have barely spent any quality time with me or the baby. I know I act like a brat a lot too, but I’m so thankful for their patience and selfless love for me.
3. Our future – Entering this new phase of life has made me feel more like Beland and I (and Bethany) are on the same team, more than ever before. I was a little afraid that after the baby came, I would be more hesitant about uprooting our family, leaving the familiar. But unexpectedly, I feel the exact opposite. I am less concerned about what others will think if we move, or what-if-this and what-if-that. I want to go wherever God calls our family and be the helper that God has designed me to be. I should have felt this way even without a child, but I feel like we are our own family and need to follow the Lord however He leads.
There are so many other thoughts that I have, but not enough time to write them all down. I love being a mommy, although it is 100 times more tiring than I imagined it to be!