21 weeks pregnant now. I love feeling our baby girl kicking. During the first trimester, I really wondered if I’d ever want to do this again, but feeling her inside of me is such an amazing feeling…it makes me feel so special, like we have a little secret between the two of us. Although I know she will never remember it, I hope I always remember this feeling.
I’ve been really challenged lately to consider whether my life, my daily life, is lived out in true worship to God. I think – no, I know that it’s not. I feel that I’m so wrapped up in work, in getting things done, and complaining about those two that my relationship with God is pushed further and further away from my thoughts. It’s only on Sundays or when I’m rushing to finish my SemWives homework that I’m reminded of God.
I’ve been reading one of my favorite books “How to Worship Jesus Christ” by Joseph Carroll. There is a quote I read last week that struck very close to home: “…you can desire to see Him in His glory and His beauty and His wonder, and never do so. Why? If there is a mist, the mist of an unsurrendered heart, there can be no acceptable approach to Him.” When I peer into my soul, I do see a genuine desire to worship the Savior whom I profess to love. That desire looks like a timid little lamb, white and cleansed by the Savior’s blood. That desire was given to me when I came to faith in Jesus. And then standing next to that sweet little desire seems to be an evil giant that takes my will by the reigns. He looks like the hulk!! In my prayers, I often relate to Paul who said it’s true that evil is present in him. And that principle of evil tempts me to focus my affections on me me me, and I am ashamed to say that I more often than not yield to him, my own sin nature.
It’s my prayer that God would give me the grace I need to train my will daily, to grow my knowledge and love for Christ, and to say “no” to sinful habits.